Tag Archives: stock photos

Misadventures in Stock Photography: Part the Seventeenth (Candy Cane Guy Tries Different Hairstyles)

As I’m sure you all know by now, Candy Cane Guy has short dark hair.

Previously, we’ve also seen him with slightly longer dark hair

and with shoulder-length blond hair.

But he’s continually trying new hairstyles, such as this short multicolored ‘do:

Then he wondered whether redheads really do have more fun…

If that pale, creepy guy is the “more fun” he found, I don’t blame him for immediately trying blond again, although, happily, with much less blood this time.

Finally, he went back to (roughly) his natural hair color, but left it long.

So, which hairstyle is your personal favorite? Mine? Um… torso picture with his head cut off. 🙂

“Mom, I know I wanted more books about black kitties. But you shouldn’t make that poor black kitty hang out with that bad, bad boy. You are mean.” -Mayhem

Misadventures in Stock Photography: Part the Sixteenth (Meet Underwear Guy)

Meet Underwear Guy, who appears in two different poses. The first is the “Hey, check out my underwear pose” below, which doesn’t seem to be holding the female model’s attention, does it?

The second it the “Let me just slip out of my underwear” pose – looks like that pose caught her eye, hmm? (Carefully, lady, you just might get an eyeful…)

His underwear can be Photoshopped to a different color…*

or decorated to be more fun…**

Or even turned into pants!

Turning his underwear into pants is not restricted to the “Let me just slip out of my underwear pants” pose, either! (So versatile!)

What? You don’t care about his pants or underwear? Um, well, ok, we’ll hide ’em and we’ll give him long blond hair instead. How’s that?

…or maybe not. The female model looks somewhat perturbed, doesn’t she?

*At the time of this post, I counted 17 different “Lust Bites” titles using this cover. Might have to do an entire post using all those “Lust Bites” titles to tell a little story…

**Someone else can analyze that cover and let us know if the hearts show appropriate distortion based on location…

Poor sleepy Chaos… All four of his paws, plus the tip of his tail, are in this picture. Can you identify each bit?

*yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnn* -Chaos

Misadventures in Stock Photography: Part the Fifteenth (Slouching Open Black Jacket Guy, with Towel)

Many thanks to Sydney, who helped me find the actual stock photos of our friend Slouching Open Black Jacket Guy. As you will see, the stock photos were particularly helpful this time. Shall we proceed?

Here’s the stock photo used in the next several covers. Carefully note that he is wearing jeans.

So… where did his jeans go?! And just whose lower body is that?? O_o

Maybe it’s safer to just leave those jeans alone and give him crazy blond hair instead?

Um, no. Not so much.

And is it

to be a

? SOBJG’s friend doesn’t look

on the idea, does he?

*blank stare* I got nothin’ for integrating this next cover into my little narrative. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Moving right along – let’s have another stock photo interlude, shall we? Again, carefully note that he is wearing jeans.

And despite attempts to get him to wear a

, he refused and instead slipped into something a bit more comfortable… and apparently emascualting. Because I don’t think that his lower half exactly looks male anymore in this next cover.

Thoughts? To help you in your analysis, here’s what SOBJG actually looks like in bikini bottoms…


“Mom, that poor boy has no fur at all! He must be so cold! I can’t bear to look at that poor cold boy anymore.” -Mayhem

Misadventures in Stock Photography: Part the Fourteenth (The Candy Cane Guy Tank Top Edition)

As usual, Candy Cane Guy has been up to no good whatsoever since the last time we checked in on him.

he veered

and started to do some

work, ultimately ending up

. (Will he never learn that long hair isn’t a good look for him?! At least it wasn’t blond this time…)

Alas, things didn’t work out, so our unhappy

went out and found himself a

. Only,

was he ever in for a

as one of

until he and the other cowboy decided that they wanted to be

together and rode off into the sunset, leaving Christie behind.


Please note that this post was completely and totally not approved by Miss Doreen.

“What? I wasn’t doing anything. Really. Nothing to see here. Move along.” -Chaos

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Thirteenth)

It’s Read an Ebook Week!

Congrats to Northmoon, Beth P, Seanna Lea, Kelly, and Sheryl VV, who all won copies of Crazy Aunt Purl’s new book!

And congrats to Jase and RachelT, who each won an ebook short story bundle from Addison Albright!

I had a lucky weekend myself – thanks to Josh Lanyon and Jessewave for the copy of The Dark Farewell that I won. And thanks to Janey Chapel and Jenre for the copy of Maritime Men that I won!

While I don’t have a clever name for this guy (Weird Facial Hair Guy is all I’ve come up with Thanks to Jeanne’s suggestion, he’s now Caterpillar On Chin Guy – check out some stock photos of him and see if you agree), I do have a sordid tale to share with you today. It’s the story of a woman

with finding

to call ”

“. (Can I get a show of hands from those who are convinced they could make a better cover than the one for My Captive Lover above, even without a working knowledge of PhotoShop? Yeah, me, too.)

Whoops! Looks like that lady’s pretty fickle, huh? Poor Caterpillar On Chin Guy…

(Good thing the designer used capital letters for the title on that cover is all I’m saying…)

In his despair over being so quickly captured and ditched, COCG decided to try

. Silly COCG – I fear that can only end in bloodshed and scarring. Both Jeanne and CJ can tell you that merely entering the Chaos Kitty’s territory (aka my condo) leads to poofing, hissing, growling, and all around general menacing. Mastering? Eeep.*

I have one more cover, the title of which has me simultaneously rolling my eyes and shaking my head.

Time for another show of hands! Anyone out there think the title is actually referring to wintery precipitation? Me, either.

“…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..” -Chaos

*He looks singularly unworried about being mastered, doesn’t he?

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Twelfth: Guys in Ties*)

Meet Tie Guy (on the right below). His impeccable professional image has been invaluable for him in his

and has contributed to his reputation as a

. Deal closers look a little lonely, don’t they? But wait, he found another headless torso to keep him company! Probably headless torsos can’t get into too much trouble, right?

Apparently I spoke too soon… Um, Tie Guy? What happened to your nice torso friend and why do you have this partial lady tied up?!

And why are you taking off your suit at the garage? Was your credit card declined or something?! (But hey, more complete bodies with every picture! Woot!)

(Okay… I don’t know about you, but this wasn’t the face I was expecting on Tie Guy’s torso.) Look out, Tie Guy – that lady does not look happy. At all. And hey, another guy in a tie! You’ll see him in a future Misadventures post. 🙂

Now here’s where things get a bit dicey. I think the guy on the left below is Tie Guy, sans tie (and apparently unwilling to go back to TorsoLand, preferring to, um, hang out with the guys and the partial blond lady).

If you agree that’s Tie Guy, then this is probably Tie Guy, too… right? Pay very close attention to his jawline. There will be a test.

Were you paying attention? Time for that test. Do you think the torso and jaw on the left below belong to a slightly faded Tie Guy? Now scroll back up to that Four Play cover and look at his jaw in that picture. I’ll wait… Got an eyeful? Good. So, guy on the right? I think it’s Tie Guy, too.

And if you agree that the guy on the right above is Tie Guy, then the guy on the right below is also Tie Guy.

Now, scroll back to the Table for Three. Picture it as a mirror image, then add an exuberant redhead, blond hair, and, um, faery wings. Yes?

Oh, Tie Guy, the shame!

So, do you agree or disagree that these are all the same guy? Discuss and feel free to speculate wildly.

“Mom, nothing really matters except that I am starving to death here. I’m pretty sure you forgot to feed me this week. Maybe last week, too. I am willing you to feed me right now.” -Chaos

*With apologies to the Therapy Sisters for shamelessly stealing one of their song titles for part of this post’s title.

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Eleventh, in which there are no abs whatsoever)

I know, I know, how can I possibly have a Misadventures post without abs?! Read on and find out… if you dare. *passes tissues to MamaTulip, who is probably distraught by the thought of no abs*

Poor cold angelic guy – doesn’t he realize he should be wearing a jacket in the snow? (Tragically, I haven’t come up with a clever nickname for him, beyond Bare Back Guy [BBG]… *ahem* Onward!)

Maybe he was waiting for the snow to free his wings?

Which is apparently a two-stage process…*

This was an image from Total-E-Bound/Totally Bound for their Shapeshifters & Morphers category.

Oh oh… I thought he was an angel… but apparently he was just a demon in disguise! (You have to be careful about these things.)

A-ha! He’s further revealed his demonic self with this tattoo – don’t those look like scaly demon wings to you?

Realizing that the demonic wings tattoo revealed too much, he started getting the tattoo removed by laser…

…although that was painful, even for a demon, so he had to drink many shots of brightly colored alcohol to dull the pain.

Remember, kids, you should always

Or maybe suggest that growing their hair and dying it blond isn’t a good look for a demon. 🙂

*Ok, fine, you caught me – that isn’t actually a cover, merely a graphic from an epublisher’s website. But… how could I resist?!

“Well, at least this boy doesn’t seem to be as naughty as some of those other boys…” -Mayhem

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Tenth: Oh oh)

So I’m starting to get this sinking feeling that maybe this is actually Slouching Open Black Jacket Guy with better posture and no jacket… Thoughts?! Until I’m sure (or you’re sure and convince me), meet Looking Down Guy. His hobbies include home remodeling,

collecting rent,

horseback riding,


hanging out with the guys,

taking moonlit walks,

being snowbound in the mountains,

raising werewolves,

I really wish I knew what this cover had been… all I know was that it was eXtasy Books…

and hanging out with Candy Cane Guy, helping him move

and decorate for the holidays. (Whoops! It’s Slave Boy in this next picture)

He also seems to be a bit torn between darkness

and light.

I wonder which way he’ll go? 🙂

“…zzzzzzz… Wha…? Mom, what are you doing? You aren’t taking more pictures of me, are you?” -Chaos

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Ninth: Crouching Guy, Hidden Nature)

I’d already been collecting covers of Crouching Guy when Janna sent me a few more covers and asked if I was going to do a Misadventures on him sometime. Great minds and all that. 😉

While it’s nothing new for our stock photo guys to be a bit confused and indecisive, Crouching Guy’s confusion is a bit different. Should he follow his lupine nature?

Or his less noble canine nature, embracing his role as

and do it

? *ahem*

Or should he just keep

? After all, there’s his piscine nature to consider…

…at least as long as he’s careful and doesn’t take the

. (Fortunately, there’s always that old fallback, time travel, if he messes things up.)

But personally, I think he should embrace his feline nature…

and let his inner black kitty shine through!

“Mom, why is this boy so confused? It’s obvious he should go with his black kitty nature. Duh.” -Mayhem

Misadventures in Stock Photography (Part the Eighth, Being But a Few of the Further Adventures of Candy Cane Guy)

Congrats to Lynn, Anita, Patti, Linda, and Wanda, who all won copies of A Black Tie Affair!

Crap. I’ve gotten behind in the Candy Cane Guy posts and now have enough pictures for two or three new posts. Workingest guy in stock photography?!

While we were otherwise engaged, Candy Cane Guy went through a tartan phase.

Which also included his tattoo and tanning phase.

I really had no idea how similar a kilt was to a tiny hand towel. Did you?

Candy Cane Guy thought that maybe he gained a little weight while he was recovering from the no doubt arduous tattoo removal. His plummeting self-esteem sent him out advertising himself in less-than-subtle ways… O_o

Then he got sort of skinny, but he felt a lot better about himself and was putting his …sign to other uses.

For reference, here’s what he looked like before his weight started to yo-yo:

Looks like he also picked up a few things at the store… probably too much to expect him to have any clothes in those bags, eh?

Oh oh, I spoke too soon… Although he did buy some clothes (hmm, nothing to cover his infamous chest and abs and belly button*, I notice), he bought guns! And a home cloning kit! This can’t end well…

Tune in at some indeterminate future point to find out what happens next!

*Yes, his unusual belly button is the key to identifying him on covers. Now you all know my secret. Woe.

“Mom, I just don’t understand why this boy is so naughty. It must be because he has thumbs. The big kitty would like to be really wicked, but he can’t be because he doesn’t have thumbs.” -Mayhem