Welcome to another edition of the Misadventures in Stock Photography! I’m sure you’ve all been dying to find out what Candy Cane Guy’s been up to since the last time we visited him, right? Just nod and smile, everyone.

Candy Cane Guy fell

because his

broke

had a bit of a temper tantrum while they were trying to find the

. This left him in

with

,

who kept insisting that

and that he should be

and putting himself

in order to experience a

of

.

I’m going to end the story here, so you can all gawk at that cover. Yes, that really is Candy Cane Guy’s body. See?

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“Oh no, now there are mutant naughty boys?! Eeeeek!” -Mayhem

Welcome to another edition of the Misadventures in Stock Photography! Today, we’ll be following the misadventures of Too Smooth Guy, so named because he looks as if he’s made from plastic on many of these covers.

Too Smooth Guy set out

, charting his course by

and relying on

to keep him from going astray (or more astray at least). Indeed, he thought that he had

, but alas, it was actually a

, sweeping away

that was his only legacy. (Hi, Candy Cane Guy! Wow, you sure do get around…)

Too Smooth Guy refused to let his failure bring him down and vowed that he would

, no matter how many

were required. Unfortunately, he got a little sidetracked when he was captured,

, and compelled to participate in

in order to ensure his own

. (I’m going to pretend that the flaming guitar-playing skeleton is a figment of my imagination.)

It had been late

when he was captured; he was finally released after spending

a (*waves at YCMMSG*)

. Remember, boys and girls, that

goes unpunished and a little

will apparently get you distorted by the photoshop monsters!

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“Mom, how many naughty boys are there?! Surely we have seen all of them by now?! Also, I haven’t forgiven you for not telling me there was still an inch of water in the tub yesterday until after I jumped in.” -Mayhem

Thanks to Eyre for pointing out that today is the International Day Against Homophobia, described on its website as “a rallying event offering an opportunity for people to get together and reach out to one another.” So be especially kind today, ok?

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I’m sure you’ve all been worried about Candy Cane Guy, since I haven’t posted about him since the beginning of April! It will not surprise you to discover he’s been a busy, busy boy.

, they immediately formed a

and set about

and just generally

. They were living in

until Candy Cane Guy suddenly decided that it was time for some

and hastened to

on a

. His former team member, now left alone, wailed, “Baby, you are

! Please, won’t you

?”

Oh, teh dramaz! Whatever do you think will happen next??

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“I just want you to know that I do not approve of naughty boys, Mom! Not at all. Just in case I haven’t been making myself clear.” -Mayhem

As I’m sure you all know by now, Candy Cane Guy has short dark hair.

Previously, we’ve also seen him with slightly longer dark hair

and with shoulder-length blond hair.

But he’s continually trying new hairstyles, such as this short multicolored ‘do:

Then he wondered whether redheads really do have more fun…

If that pale, creepy guy is the “more fun” he found, I don’t blame him for immediately trying blond again, although, happily, with much less blood this time.

Finally, he went back to (roughly) his natural hair color, but left it long.

So, which hairstyle is your personal favorite? Mine? Um… torso picture with his head cut off.

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“Mom, I know I wanted more books about black kitties. But you shouldn’t make that poor black kitty hang out with that bad, bad boy. You are mean.” -Mayhem

As usual, Candy Cane Guy has been up to no good whatsoever since the last time we checked in on him.

he veered

and started to do some

work, ultimately ending up

. (Will he never learn that long hair isn’t a good look for him?! At least it wasn’t blond this time…)

Alas, things didn’t work out, so our unhappy

went out and found himself a

. Only,

was he ever in for a

as one of

until he and the other cowboy decided that they wanted to be

together and rode off into the sunset, leaving Christie behind.

Whew!

Please note that this post was completely and totally not approved by Miss Doreen.

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“What? I wasn’t doing anything. Really. Nothing to see here. Move along.” -Chaos