Misadventures in Stock Photography: Part the 27th (Too Smooth Guy)

Welcome to another edition of the Misadventures in Stock Photography! Today, we’ll be following the misadventures of Too Smooth Guy, so named because he looks as if he’s made from plastic on many of these covers.

Too Smooth Guy set out

, charting his course by

and relying on

to keep him from going astray (or more astray at least). Indeed, he thought that he had

, but alas, it was actually a

, sweeping away

that was his only legacy. (Hi, Candy Cane Guy! Wow, you sure do get around…)

Too Smooth Guy refused to let his failure bring him down and vowed that he would

, no matter how many

were required. Unfortunately, he got a little sidetracked when he was captured,

, and compelled to participate in

in order to ensure his own

. (I’m going to pretend that the flaming guitar-playing skeleton is a figment of my imagination.)

It had been late

when he was captured; he was finally released after spending

a (*waves at YCMMSG*)

. Remember, boys and girls, that

goes unpunished and a little

will apparently get you distorted by the photoshop monsters!


“Mom, how many naughty boys are there?! Surely we have seen all of them by now?! Also, I haven’t forgiven you for not telling me there was still an inch of water in the tub yesterday until after I jumped in.” -Mayhem

39 thoughts on “Misadventures in Stock Photography: Part the 27th (Too Smooth Guy)”

  1. Poor May! Water in the tub is an unexpected surprise. I am trying to desensitize Victor to water (sprinkler, bath time), but he is a dog. I would never do that to my kitty, Saru-chan!

    (and I’m kind of with May on the number of random guys. I am in awe of the number of guys you find for these things. Also, dang! The cover of Survival is particularly bad!)
    A recent post from Seanna Lea..getting it doneMy Profile

  2. I was so happy to see CCG. I think he’s my favourite. I think smoothie is kind of cute, when he’s not distorted but seriously, a flaming guitar playing skeleton? Really?
    A recent post from Tam..Sunday SundayMy Profile

  3. Too smooth guy looks like maybe 3 or 4 stock shots were taken. Those cover designers are very clever in their use of stock photos, aren’t they? And, May? Just don’t go near the tub!

  4. Mayhem – if an inch of water in the tub bothers you, you are lucky you are not an outside cat right now! You would not be a happy princess!

  5. Poor, soggy May.

    Wow…TSG – you really do get around. I don’t know what those photoshopppers are do to you, but your head looks way too small in some of those pics.

    I have no words for the flaming guitar playing skeleton. None.

  6. I know there’s a way to make money off this… I need to find the company that makes body wax, and invest in their stock. It must take a whole gallon of the stuff each time to make them as smooth as a baby’s behind.

    Why do these e-book cover “artists” (yes, it’s time to bring out the quotes), insist on melding three or four stock photos into a Frankenstein-esq cover? They’d do much better to focus on one decent shot, and then add some *gasp* illustrations or border artwork. I guess that would be too much work.

    Thanks for an entertaining Monday!

  7. Aw, thanks, KZ. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Bron: How about “Thank jeebus that wasn’t the cover for one of my books!”? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    LOL about the body wax stock, Rebecca!

  8. poor May… that nasty ol water will getcha every time!

    and I simply cannot believe that you are still finding books with those fellas on them… omgosh.. how many trashy novels are there? ha ha ha

  9. Too smooth guy… or blow up doll… only the photographer knows for sure! (Okay… how did you know it was Candy Cane guy in that one pic– I couldn’t see his navel!

  10. poor guy gets mirrored and plasticized and skewed a lot doesn’t he.

    i especially like the guitar hero playing skeleton. Wonder if it has anything to do with the books contents?

    Aww May, Katie avoids this by never jumping into the tub.
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  11. Is that a pout Mayhem – poor baby, bad Mommy..

    I have always thought that guy looks like the guy from the 80’s Incredible Hulk series – when he is morphing into the hulk…

    Over muscled and that neck…uuhhh

    E.h>

  12. Poor May! Have you left soggy presents for Mom yet, or are you waiting until she doesn’t suspect anything?

    Flaming guitar-playing skeletons. This is clearly either a hallucination or an ad for the latest Guitar Hero. I’m voting for hallucination. Does that count as a reason to leave work early?
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  13. Poor Mayhem! (But would she have listened to a warning, anyway?)

    Flaming guitar skeleton: bwahahahaha! It kinda reminds me of Death in _Soul Music_, except I like Pratchett better than I like that cover.
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  14. Iรขโ‚ฌโ„ขm going to pretend that the flaming guitar-playing skeleton is a figment of my imagination.

    I’m going to join you!

    Chris – you’re gifted, truly gifted.
    A recent post from orannia..Deja VuMy Profile

  15. Abs just have to painted on with gravy powder, otherwise, does he have any life outside the gym (or the spray tan booth, or the waxers?)

    Love the skeleton guitarist – how could anyone resist such an appealing image?

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